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This was part of an assignment on another site, and I thought I would share it with you.
I have a strong
reaction to "reassuring words of concern" that are uttered more to make
the commissarator feel comfortable than anything else. The phrase used
when my mother died is a case in point. People would tell me "at least
she had a long life" as thought somehow my grief would be put aside as
I readily would have to agree that that was indeed the case.
Unfortunately, to me 86 years, while being a long life, was not a balm
for my sadness over losing my mother.
The same after Roy's
demise...there the bromide was "well, he is in a better place" or "he
is no longer in pain". The latter was certainly true, and the first to
be hoped for if you are a person of faith which I struggle to be.
However, neither response cured my pain, or even lessened it. under
the worst scenario, I feel that those words denied the grieving
process and belittled my pain. Putting the best spin on it I have to
conclude that those words and oft used phrases were well intentioned,
but nonetheless an example of meaningless words.
I am not saying that anybody wanted to belittle or to cut short my
grief. Far from it. However, I believe that too often we all allow our
own discomfort with grief and pain to intrude in what is someone else's
grief and pain. I try to remember that, so when I am faced with it, I
am notorious for simply saying "I dont know what to say"...and shaking
hands, or whatever affectional gesture is acceptable to that particular
relationship and going on. At other times, I may simply look in their
eyes, shake my head and say nothing. Hoping that somehow in my words or
lack thereof, they are able to hear something other than "meaningless words" of comfort that are really attempts to make myself feel better with the situation.
Thanks for the add. how did you get those cool pics?!
isaac11:41 PM CST